Setshedi Visser

Sunday 11 Bashi phones us with the sad news Hille's son Setshedi suddenly passed away. This is a big shock - a healthy, almost 20 years old boy, dying within a few hours on a sunny Sunday, just like his father died 18 months ago.


We keep feeling this is unreal, even though a very real funeral has to be prepared. Two of Hille's brothers will fly in from the Netherlands, and until they arrive Bram represents the family from the father's side. A funeral means prayers every late afternoon, with tea and bread afterwards, until the funeral on the next Saturday. Chairs, big three-legged pots, plates, etcetera have to be borrowed. There has to be a big tent, food for all the people coming to the house to help, mountains of firewood, goats and a cow, and so on. A coffin and flowers must be chosen, and a funeral program must be made. The list of things to do seems endless - but as always everything gets organized and done.


Friday around noon Hille's oldest and youngest brother arrive. We meet Jelle and Mink at their hotel and join them to the mortuary. Like every Friday afternoon it is extremely busy because people from all over the Gaborone region come to accompany their deceased on their last travel home. After a service in the mortuary's chapel we can take Setshe home, where there will be a wake till the funeral early Saturday morning.


Since the Dutch consul and his wife, and our consulate's organizer-of-everything Miena will come to our house first we have an early breakfast with Jeff and Peter from across the road. Not just any breakfast, but real Dutch coffee and stroopwafels, fresh from the Lowlands thanks to Jelle & Mink. Then we walk the shortcut to Hille's house, where the funeral service is just starting. For us it's like we are not only burying Setshe, but also Hille - we were in the Netherlands when he died.


It's impossible to really depict the memorial service for people who never experienced a traditional Batswana funeral. The many, many people sit in front of the house to attend the hymns, services by the priests, reading of the written condolences, speeches, among which touching words from Setshe's best friend and from Peter, who has been very close to Hille, the bearing of the coffin from the house and the bearing of the coffin to the funeral car.


After the service at the house everyone drives or walks to the graveyard. Family, friends and neighbours have dug the grave the day before. Walking we arrive just in time for the bearing of the coffin to the grave, this time by Setshe's morafe or tribe, represented by the uncles and Peter & Jeff.


After more hymns and prayers the men take turns in closing the grave and everyone goes back to the house for the vote of thanks, the speech from the chief and the funeral meal. The chief had some remarks about people not dressing properly for funerals anymore. Meaning women have to wear a scarf over their head and around their shoulders, and men have to wear a jacket.
To comply with the Dutch after-funeral tradition we finish with again coffee & stroopwafels, and homemade krentenbrood at our house.